where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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