If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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