I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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