So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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