this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
