i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
