I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
