I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
