don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
