i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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