I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
