just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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