Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
