did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
