yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
