Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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