You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
