Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
