she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
is it fun? or sober?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
