Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it's great music for shaving your balls
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
