From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
