is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
