If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
