I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
