brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
