i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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