She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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