Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
