My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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