So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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