I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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