i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
