My underwear smells like fireworks.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
