so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
