I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
