Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
