Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
