My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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