Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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