Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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