Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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