Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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