at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
