First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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