if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
