Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
