I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
