he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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