It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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