Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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